Tarnished
by AliceInScribbleLand
Summary: House discovers the darker side to Cuddy's past.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay first of the idea behind this story is not mine. I borrowed it from a story called 'The Deeper Meaning' by Pari on .

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House walked in to witness Cuddy firing her latest assistant. "I'm sorry Dr. Cuddy, I didn't realize," the boy stuttered.

"Just go," Cuddy mumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Am I still fired?" he asked tentatively. His eyes darted back and forth between House and Cuddy.

"No," Cuddy sighed. "It's fine, just go," she urged, ushering the boy out of her office. When the door was shut behind him Cuddy hissed, "Idiot!"

"What's got you so worked up?" House asked, planting himself on her couch.

"Nothing," she hesitated. After a few quiet moments of wandering around her office, she realized she was getting nothing accomplished. "My parents are coming into town. I told them I had a conference, but my dad called back. He talked to genius out there and was told that I was completely free."

House watched as she started to, once again, pace around the room nervously. "Why don't you want to see your parents?" he asked curiously.

Cuddy sat down next to him and sighed, "It's not important."

"Right," he said sarcastically, "You almost fired your boy toy out there because of a mistake he made that had to deal with a situation that's simply not important."

She glared at him, painfully. "I didn't harass you when you didn't want to see your parents. Please House, cut me some slack. Just drop it?"

He studied her curiously. "This is really upsetting you isn't it?" There was very little he had seen over the years that unnerved Lisa Cuddy, but apparently her parents were a very open wound.

She tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to overflow. Looking away, she fidgeted with hem of her skirt. "I'm fine," she whispered.

"Hey I didn't mean to upset you," House said, sincerely. They'd known each other for years, but he knew very little about her family. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he didn't like the helpless look she had in her eyes. Knowing the unusual situation would have to be dealt with more delicately, he pulled Cuddy into a gentle hug.

Caught off guard, with the already nerve racking situation she tensed. She stayed rigid in his arms for a moment, before realizing that this was okay. She wasn't in any danger. Finally, feeling somewhat secure she let her emotions take over. Quietly she began to cry. As the moments passed, her whole body began to shake. The situation was finally starting to register and she was not okay.

House held onto her confused. She wasn't just upset, she was scared. "Hey I got you," he whispered, into her hair. He was trying to be reassuring, but had little experience in this area. Cuddy wouldn't trust him of all people he reasoned, but he couldn't leave her alone.

At his words of comfort, she turned her body towards his. Clinging to his shirt, she let the tears reign free. The feelings of emptiness and inadequacy were back. This couldn't be happening to her now. She had worked so hard to become strong and independent. None of it mattered though.

"Let's get you out of here okay? Take the rest of the day off?" he tried to tempt her. He didn't like seeing her like this and knew she wouldn't want to be seen this way by others. She was probably hating that even he was there, but there was no way he was leaving her alone like this.

"Okay," she said, not having the strength or willpower to pull herself together. She knew House was a risky choice, but he was here with her. She was allowing herself to completely depend on the man holding her.

He pulled his cell phone out and dialed Wilson's number. "Cuddy's taking the rest of the day off," he told Wilson. "No, I'm driving her home and I won't be back. She just needs you to keep an eye on things," he said in a tone that implied he was not going to discuss things further. "Yes, she'll be fine." He shut his phone, and then smiled down at her. She was still leaning against his chest. "Your precious baby is all set," he said, smirking.

"Thank you," she replied, pulling away from him easily. She wiped at her eyes, looking only at the floor.

To say that House was worried was a gross understatement. Seeing her like this had him so off balance that he didn't even realize how caring and concerned he was being. "You ready to go?" he asked, gently.

"Yeah let me just get my stuff together," she said, quietly.

"Okay. I'll meet you back here. I need to grab a few things out of my office. You'll be okay?" he asked, nervously.

"Yes House, I'm fine," she said, trying to act braver and more secure than she actually felt.

He didn't buy her cool exterior for a moment, but he agreed that she'd be okay for a few moments on her own. "I'll be quick," he said, watching the relief flash briefly across her eyes.

Both doctors went about their tasks in a pensive daze. Cuddy tried to fight of the questions and concerns in her mind, while House explored his own inner thought process. They met back in her office and headed to her car. House took her keys from her and helped her into the passenger seat. The car stayed quiet until they were out of site of the hospital.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: From this chapter on there are mentions of child abuse (mostly sexual). There's not a vast amount of details, but vague mentions. If this bothers you or is triggering please don't read.

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"Do you wanna talk?" he asked, concerned.

"When we get there," she said, not quite ready to face her own demons. "Why are you helping me House?"

"Maybe I just want answers," he said, trying to sound like he meant it.

Cuddy shook her head. She knew him better than that. "No you haven't pushed about anything. I don't doubt that you're curious, but it's taking a back seat at the moment. If you just wanted answers you'd be all over me with demands."

He sighed. "Does it matter why? The end-result will be the same regardless." He didn't like when she tried to figure him out.

"It matters to me," she said, looking vacantly out the window.

"Why? Why does it matter?" he asked, defensively. He didn't like opening up. He didn't want her to know why he was helping or how he was feeling. There was too much at stake for him to risk her pulling away because she simply didn't feel the same. Opening up had always left him feeling exposed and afraid. He thanked his own farther for that gift.

Cuddy looked at him seriously, studying him, reading him. "I just need to know if you're here for you or for me." Her tears were falling again, streaming freely down her cheeks. She made no move to wipe them away, as she stared him down with an intensity that left him breathless.

"Can't it be for both?" House wasn't sure why he couldn't simply lie to her. He wanted to tell her so much what she wanted to hear. It was partially true, he was there for all the reasons she wanted him to be, but he was there for his own reasons as well. He needed answers. He needed to understand what made Lisa Cuddy respond this way. But more than anything, he needed to stay close to her and protect her from whatever it was that she was hiding from.

Cuddy looked out the window once more, resting her head against the glass. "What do you expect to gain House? Are answers that important?

He wanted to make some lame crack to ease the tension, but couldn't think of anything to say. "Yes they are dammit," his voice rose, as he slammed a hand down on the steering wheel. He flinched when Cuddy nearly jumped out of her seat. Quieting his voice, he said, "But that's not why I'm here."

"Then why House?" she was begging him. She needed to know she could depend on him.

House sighed. He didn't want to answer, but he had to offer her something. He wasn't sure what she was hiding, but Cuddy didn't flinch unless there was a reason. "Because I care, Lisa. We may not always get along or agree, but you're still important to me," he took a breath, trying to steady his nerves. "In the entire time I've known you, I have never seen you scared until today. There is nothing you have ever backed down from. I'm assuming that whatever it is you're afraid of now, you could use a friend. I just want to help you," he finished softly.

She reached over and grabbed a hold of his hand. She clasped it firmly in hers until they pulled into her driveway. From the car to her front door, she continued to cling to him. He was now her recognized saving grace.

They walked into her house quietly. Once she finished locking the door, she felt him pulling at her waist. Cuddy turned to face him and once again found herself wrapped in his arms. "Will you stay for a while?" she asked, smiling shyly up at him.

"As long as you want," he spoke concerned. Awkward by how much he was revealing he tried to change the subject, "Why don't you go put something comfortable on?" He didn't really care what she wore, but he could use the few minutes to regroup. He watched her as she moved down the hall towards her bedroom.

When Cuddy came back out, she found him lounging on her couch. He was flipping through the channels, not really focused on what he was doing.

The moment House saw her he shut the TV off and sat up. His eyes searched hers, wondering what the future moments had in store.

"You can watch," she said nervously. She sat down next to him.

House shook his head no, seriously. "Why don't you call your parents and tell them your secretary made a mistake?" he asked, curiously.

Cuddy laughed, bitterly. The sound was harsh on his ears, but he let her continue. "I just tried. My mom said it was too bad because now my father had agreed to a business trip and couldn't make it. He never told her he called," she sighed, frustrated.

"So he's coming by himself?" House asked curiously. Mentally he was trying to fit all the pieces together.

Cuddy nodded, looking worried by the idea. She didn't really seem to want to answer his questions. Possibly, she was trying to avoid thinking about them at all.

"And he's the problem?" He watched as she started to panic again. "Lisa," he said, pulling her chin up so that their eyes met. "Tell me," he requested, softly.

"I can't," she whispered, scrunching up her eyes. She was trying to shut everything out, including his questions.

"Lisa," he prodded, patiently. He understood family trouble and the scars that it left on its victim's. His dad had done more than simply smack him around. He couldn't imagine that happening to Cuddy, but he'd never met her father.

"Greg, please. Please don't, just drop it," she pleaded. Her smaller frame trembled. She knew parts of his past, but the look in her arms had shame mixed in with the exposed terror.

"No," he whispered to himself, as realization washed over him. "Did he hurt you Lisa?" House asked, his anger making his words short and harsh.

Cuddy was panting hard, trying not to cry. She knew if she gave into the fear, she wouldn't be able to overcome it right away. Her past left her feeling more than helpless, even with House by her side.

House pulled Cuddy to him. "It's okay," he said much calmer, than he actually felt. He hadn't meant to scare her, but the mere thought of her father abusing her was too much for him to handle rationally. "I've got you."

She was still trying to keep it together. Her past with her father was something she tried to never think about. She had never told anyone and had planned to keep it that way. But something about the way House was acting made her reconsider that decision.

"Let go Lisa," he whispered against her ear.

The real tears she'd been holding back all afternoon sprung forth. She sobbed hard against his chest. She wanted to forget everything else and hide in his embrace for eternity.

The only time House's hands left her were to pull the blanket down off the back of the couch. Wrapping her securely in it, he shifted them to a more comfortable position. He had moved so that his back was against the armrest and she rested between his legs. Her legs were gently strewn across his good leg and he had her pulled close against his chest. He kissed her head and just let her cry.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: PLEASE READ this chapter is where Cuddy starts to open up about her past. I've tried to not overdue it on details without leaving anything out. I don't really think I'm going to do any flashback, but there are things House (and you guys) are going to need to know for future events. I hope this doesn't upset anyone. Thanks for reading and please let me know what you all think!

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As she continued to release her emotions, House began to sing random melodies. The soft deep hum against her ear was comforting in a surreal sense. She pressed her ear harder against his chest, getting lost in the sounds and vibrations. Bit by bit, her crying slowed and stopped all together.

He continued to hum, as she lay still against his chest. Absent-mindedly he played with her hair, as he finished the song. He paused for a moment, letting them rest in silence. He waited to see if she was ready to talk. He understood her need for control over what she might tell him.

"I was twelve the first time he r-raped me. He had always touched me though and made me," she swallowed hard. "I don't want to see him Greg."

His heart broke. Until she'd said it aloud, he had desperately tried to believe he was misreading all the signs. "I know you don't Leese," he kissed her temple softly. "I'll take care of it. I promise I won't let him anywhere near you."

"Thank you," she said, calmly. She was starting to detach, not just from the memories but from reality as well.

He needed to bring her back to the moment they were in. She deserved to escape from all this, but he knew it would only do more damage. Sighing he asked, "Wasn't there anyone you could tell?"

She laughed spitefully. "It's so stupid. God, I cannot believe I am even telling you all this. He started so early that at first I didn't know any better. When I did realize it was wrong I was too scared to upset him. I fought him when I was in junior high once. He beat the shit out of me. After that I was too scared to even think about fighting him." She paused, thinking over the past. Letting him absorb the memories she was sharing. "It's unreal, to this day I get around him and I just freeze. I know better, but I can't manage to stand up to him."

House had to force the bile back down his throat. How could any father do that to their child, let alone to Cuddy? She was so pure and full of life. "This isn't your fault. You were just a child."

She shook her head no and willfully met his gaze, "I wasn't a child eight years ago."

House's face showed nothing except pure shock. He hadn't seen that coming. To this day, his friend lived in fear of her own father, the one man that was supposed to protect her and love her unconditionally. He started to realize that the severity of this situation exceeded the normal depth. Putting pieces together, he realized that in college, when she hired him, every point that their paths had crossed this had affected her.

Looking off in the distance at something unseen to him, she spoke calmly and quietly. "He was into submission. My god House, he fucking trained me. It's as if I am brainwashed around him. It scares me. I feel like I have zero free will when he's involved." Her words betrayed how appalled she felt about her own part in it. She hugged her knees to her chest and rested her chin on them.

"Lisa, listen to me, it _is_ brainwashing. As long as he's been at it, you can't possibly blame yourself or feel shame for anything he's made you do." His words were forceful, but held a passion that she'd never heard before. He grabbed her face in his hands, turning her gaze towards his, "It's not your fault Leese," he urged. "Tell me," he all but commanded. She dropped her eyes, but he waited.

Finally meeting his gaze, she was met with the blazing storm of fury and compassion that was being emitted from his own eyes.

"Tell me," he asked once more. He was trying not to sound forceful, just stern. He didn't want her to be afraid of him, but he knew she needed someone to be strong for her.

"It's not my fault," she whispered, crying softly.

"Good girl," he said and hugged her close. He held her to him for a few moments, needing to know that she was safe in his arms. "You said it's been eight years, why now?"

"I honestly don't know. I guess it's not enough that he ruined my childhood and any shot at a normal relationship I might have." She rolled her eyes and sighed.

House looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

She laughed, "I can't even manage to have sex Greg. I tried twice in high school. Both times I freaked out, but they didn't stop." She rolled her eyes at the memory, and then dropped her head. "During college, I just stayed busy with school work. Then, there was my career and the hospital. Lately, I've tried just dating, but god I spend the whole time just hoping you'll show up and scare them off." She smiled softly at him, blushing slightly. "Why do you think I always date such losers?" They both chuckled and she continued, "They're safer."

House always knew she had enjoyed his surprise visits, although he'd always thought it had to do more with her feelings towards him. In his own way, he felt proud that he had already helped keep her safe. House rubbed her back gently and she, in turn, relaxed back into his touch. "Lisa, all the things I've said over the years, the comments I've made-"

She turned to face him and cut him off. She could see the honest pain and guilt in his eyes. "Don't you dare apologize! I know you would never hurt me like that Greg. To be honest, it was nice with you. You are the only person that I have ever had that with. I can flirt with you without feeling dirty or afraid."

Her hand was on his jaw, her thumb rubbing against the scruff on his cheek. He moved his hand to hers and kissed the inside of her palm once, then the inside of her wrist.

"You make me feel pretty Greg," she whispered. Men had always treated her like she was sexy, but that was all she'd ever felt from them. She was nothing more than a sex symbol that they wanted to possess.

"Lisa," he said shocked, "you're gorgeous!"

She blushed slightly. "With you it's not just about getting me into bed."

"Speaking of, I don't want to upset you and you don't have to answer, but," he hesitated, before continuing, trying to word it delicately, "you've never had a good experience in bed?"

She grinned at him a little embarrassed, but completely comfortable talking to him. "I've never even had a mediocre one, they've all been horrible." The phone rang and Cuddy instantly tensed.

House reached over and grabbed it, answering quickly. "Yes?..What do you think?...She's fine…Just later okay?...We're just talking…Probably the rest of the week…I'll tell her…Just make something up…Thanks."

"Wilson?" Cuddy asked. She was still curled up on House's chest. It was quickly becoming her favorite spot.

"Yeah, he wanted to know how you were. I told him you were okay, but were taking the rest of the week off."

Cuddy shrieked, "What?" She sat up, glaring at him. "Greg I can't," she whined.

"Are _you_ going to call the board and tell them that Wilson just lied about…well, whatever he made up?" He asked, looking at her with mock accusation.

"No," she giggled, shaking her head. She was grinning up at him, looking happy, considering their dismal afternoon.

"Good, then you're staying home until Monday," he said, hugging her closer to him. He enjoyed their new physical closeness, almost as much as she did.

Laying her head down on his shoulder, Cuddy couldn't hide the grin that seemed to be plastered on her face. "Thank you."

He nodded. "Anytime. Somebody's gotta keep you in line," he jested.

Cuddy laughed and rolled her eyes. "Greg?"

"Hmm?" he responded, lazily.

"I'm glad you're here." She cuddled closer to him, pulling the blanket around herself tighter.

He kissed her forehead and hugged her closer, "Me too."


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't want this to change things between us," she sighed, "I mean, I don't want you to feel like you have to be careful. I'm okay with you."

She lay relaxed in his arms, but he could tell she was worried. "I know what you mean. I can't exactly ogle your fun bags in a t-shirt though," he chuckled, as he nodded towards her chest. "Although, this is a good look for you."

Cuddy laughed. "What, crying, damaged, and pathetic?"

"Don't ever think like that." He sat them up and looked at her sternly. "You are an amazing woman. Not only are you beautiful and intelligent, but you have had some really crappy things happen to you and you didn't let them break you. We're all damaged Lisa, but don't ever think that makes you less of a woman. You can still heal."

"How?" she asked, incredulously, "I've already tried.

"No," he said patiently, "Assholes took advantage of you for sex. You need to be with someone that cares about you and isn't just looking for a good time. Find someone you trust, that you can talk to. Till you find him, I'll be here to crash as many dates as you need me to."

Cuddy shook her head and laughed. "My hero," she swooned, playfully batting her eyes.

House looked at his lap, slightly embarrassed. "You know if you ever need anything."

"Thank you Greg, seriously. You've been incredible today." She leaned forward and gently pecked him on the cheek.

His eyes danced with mirth. "If you only knew how incredible I am in bed," House teased. His eyes met hers nervously, but her gorgeous smile eased any doubts he held about his decision to tease. "You look tired Lise."

She simply nodded in agreement and lay back down against his chest.

"Want me to get going? You should really sleep?" He casually rubbed a strong firm hand along her back.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Cuddy asked, fighting off a yawn.

"If you want me to," he said, brushing away the hair that was creeping down over her eyes.

Cuddy grinned happily and nodded. "Thanks," she said, yawning once more.

"Somebody needs a nap," House teased. Even if she hadn't been yawning, he could see how much the day's events had drained her.

Cuddy shook her head no against his chest. She didn't want to leave the warmth of his arms. "I'm fine," she pouted.

"Cuddy," House growled, warningly. He knew she was lying, but didn't understand why.

She arched an eyebrow at him. "I thought we'd moved on to first name basis."

"And I thought you were going to let me take care of you?" He quipped back, scowling at her.

She looked away from him, nervously. "I just don't want to be alone right now.

House smiled at her. Did she really think he was going to leave her alone? "So I'll come with you, silly girl."

Cuddy met his gaze lovingly. She couldn't help but smile back at him. House had been so different that whole afternoon. Thinking over their time together, she realized he wasn't acting too different. They were just closer. He was still a sarcastic ass that hated the outside world. He had just let her into his comfort level. She was now a part of the very small orbit that was Greg House's world. What she didn't realize was that she had always been in it, she just hadn't known. "I put a TV up there if you want to watch a movie or something."

House's eyes danced playfully at the idea. "Do you have porn?" he teased. He knew she would be upset if he started to guard his comments around her. Normalcy was one of the only constants she had at the moment.

"Shut up," she laughed. "I am _not_ watching porn with you."

House raised his eyebrow, "Interesting, you said you're not watching porn with me, not that you didn't have any porn."

She blushed slightly. "Yeah well, when the only person you trust in those situations is yourself, you make due."

House's stomach clenched with her admission. He knew she was being completely open with him. However, she was starting to get upset again. He needed to get her back into their game. "This mean you have toys to? Do you and Thirteen shop together? I bet she's got loads of toys." He grinned excitedly.

Cuddy groaned, rolling her eyes, and then tugged on his hand. "Come on you," she laughed gently, "Its sleepy time."

Standing up with a groan, House stood in place for a moment letting his leg adjust to the new position. Before she could walk away, House pulled Cuddy into his arms. "You need to know Lisa, that I'm here for you. I'll be here for anything you need," he whispered, softly against her hair.

"I know Greg, I really do." She kissed his neck once softly, then led him to her room.

Cuddy grabbed some things out of her dresser to change. She headed to the bathroom with a promise to be right back.

House stood awkwardly next to her bed staring down at his clothes. "Hey Cuddy," he yelled.

"What?"she asked, as she pulled her shirt over her head and shoving her bottoms to the floor.

"I didn't bring anything with me. Clothes I mean," he yelled back.

"Oh," she said a little quieter. "Are you wearing boxers?" Cuddy slipped into the clothes she had brought in with her.

"Yeah," he answered. He hated sleeping in clothes.

"That's fine then," she answered stepping out of her bathroom, wearing yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt.

House thought she looked relaxed considering. She had her hair pulled back loosely and had cleaned the makeup off her face. He took in the sight of her and smiled softly when she met his gaze questioningly. Awkwardly he pulled of his own shirt. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he removed his shoes and socks.

Cuddy slipped under the covers and started flipping through the channels. She watched House's movements out of the corner of her eye. His presence elicited a warm comfort in her. She smiled to herself, inwardly please with the way her afternoon had turned out.

Standing up House undid his pants and removed them. Propelling himself off his good leg, House bounced onto the bed next to her, causing the whole mattress to bounce. He grinned settling down next to her, when she shot him a trademark glare.

Cuddy handed him the remote, already bored with what was on. She had never been much of a TV fan, but every once in a while something caught her eye. The only thing she was interested in at the moment was him.

He didn't let her down either. Instantly muting the TV, House rolled over to face Cuddy. He looked down at her, propped up by a bent elbow and hand resting on his cheek "Better?" he asked, genuinely concerned. He pushed a stray curl back behind her ear.

"Much," she smiled at him. She felt incredibly at ease in his presence, more so then she even did when she was alone.

"Think you can sleep now?" He rested a hand on her hip and watched her nod in response.

Cuddy studied him for a moment. She wasn't sure she quite understand the change between them or if she wanted to. She knew he wasn't there to pity her and that was enough for her. "Thank you Greg. For everything, not just staying."

House shook his head no. "Stop. I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to thank me every time I do something you appreciate. I want to be here."

"I'm sorry," she said, lowering her waters-blue eyes.

"Lisa," he whispered, "I know I'm usually an ass, but I'm going to take care of you from now on." House rubbed her back softly for a moment before speaking. Hey Lise?" he asked curiously.

"Hmm?" she asked, sleepily.

"That day you came to thank me for the injections, were you going to ask me to donate sperm?" He wasn't sure what made him think about that particular moment, but he always knew there was more to that visit then she'd said.

Everything was still and quite for a moment before she spoke. Her voice was timid and quiet, "No."

House was a little more than disappointed, he thought he had it all figured out. He tried to hide it with a simple, "Oh okay."

"I was going to ask you to sleep with me," she said, after a moment's pause. When he didn't respond, she lifted her gaze to meet his.

"Really?" he asked, eyes watering despite his inner battle. He watched, as Cuddy nodded smiling at him. "Why me?" he asked, sincerely.

"Because I've always been able to trust you and I like you," she said, blushing and looking away.

House leaned down and kissed her cheek. It wasn't enough though. He kissed her lips chastely, silently thanking her. Without even trying, she had once again saved him. She always saved him. Even now, when her own life was closing in on her, she had given his life meaning, given him hope. She trusted him and he didn't plan to fail her.

House was surprised when he felt her grab onto his shirt and pull him down. He couldn't think, as her lips softly explored his own. This was nothing like the quick kiss he had given her.

Cuddy's hands moved to cup his jaw, pulling him closer to her. She wanted to feel him: his softness, his power, everything. She whimpered trying to get closer.

House let her set the pace of their kiss. It was too soon, he kept telling himself. Nevertheless, he knew, if he pulled away too soon it would seem cruel. When he felt her tongue brush against his lips, he knew he had to stop her. "Lisa?" he questioned.

"I'm okay. I trust you," she said, instantly trying to kiss him again. She wanted to feel him and only him. She wanted to replace the damaged experiences with the perfect one.

House stopped their kiss and pulled her into a warm embrace. "You've been through so much, especially today." He stroked her cheek and kissed her forehead softly.

Cuddy instantly stiffened in his arms and tried to turn away. Here it was, the truth at hand. He could be her friend, but that was it. She inwardly cursed herself for thinking anyone could love someone as damaged as her. That was why he had told her to find someone else and hadn't offered to be that man for her.

House stopped her quickly and moved to look in her eyes. "I am by no means rejecting you Lisa. I just think you should take things slow. There is so much going on right now."

"House," she said dismissively, "its fine. I know I shouldn't have pushed that on you. It's too much to expect from anyone to deal with me-"

He silenced her with a kiss. "Lisa, I would love to be…I mean that kind of trust…" he sighed, frustrated at not being able to find the right words, "Yes, if you still want me to. The answer is yes, but I just want you to take things slow."

Cuddy was beyond shocked. House was offering her exactly what she wanted. He was willing to not only be that man for her but be patient and gentle with her as well. "Okay," she all but whispered.

"I mean it Lisa, I would love to share that with you, but rushing into it is only going to make things worse." He said, desperate for her to understand.

"I am ready," she argued, "My feelings aren't going to change."

"I know," House said, honestly understanding, "I just don't think we should rush things. I mean that for a lot of reasons. There is so much besides just sex Lise; I want you to enjoy all of it. It should overwhelm you, but in a good way. I want to make sure things are just right." He kissed her softly on the lips once more.

Cuddy looked at him seriously. He needed this as much as she did. She knew he was right, now was not really the time. She had already admitted to herself that her reasons were partially selfish. She decided that he was worth more than that. She looked up at him and smiled, silently agreeing to his wishes.

House grinned down at her then pulled her partially onto his chest. House pulled the covers up, more securely, around them.

"Greg," she whispered, looking up at him. There were a few stray tears falling down her cheeks that were quickly wiped away, by hands larger than her own.

"You need to rest Lisa," he said firmly. We'll have plenty of time to talk when you get back up.

"You won't leave?" she asked, suspiciously.

He kissed her forehead and smiled. He knew it wasn't him that she didn't trust. Life had handed her some very low blows, it was natural for her not to expect good things. "I promise. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Cuddy nodded, seeing the truth in his eyes and lay back down. She easily relaxed against his strong frame.


	5. Chapter 5

House rubbed soft circles along the small of her back until her breathing eased into a steady rhythm. Once he was sure she was deep in sleep, he turned the TV on. He flipped through the channels automatically until he came across a marathon of Mystery Science Theater 3000. If nothing else, it would keep him amused while the beauty beside him slept.

After about two hours, Cuddy started to stir. Still too sleepy to be afraid of another body in her bed, she pulled on him and cuddled closer trying to slip back into sleep. It wasn't often that she felt this relaxed and had a warm body in her bed, especially one that stroked her hair so tenderly. Sleepily, she looked up and met house's gaze.

In a word, he thought she looked adorable. She looked almost childlike to him, with her sleepy eyes and shy looks. He could tell the rest had done her good. She looked much more relaxed then when they first laid down.

"Greg?" she questioned, as the events of the day came flooding back. "Oh," she said quietly, having silently answered her own question. Her emotions ran rampant on her for a few moments. She felt everything from excitement to shame. All she knew for sure was that House hadn't left running.

House gave her a moment, as he continued to play with her hair. He knew that she was like him and didn't like to expose too much of herself. She had been okay when they had laid down, but he didn't know if she would try to shut him out again or if she had honestly found that she could trust him.

Cuddy looked up at him surprised and obviously pleased. "You stayed," she said, sounding amazed. She couldn't help but look incredibly pleased that her own tarnished knight had stayed by her side.

House simply nodded, feeling awkward about being in the spotlight. "I told you I wouldn't leave," he said, quietly. He wasn't hurt by her amazement. He knew her track record as well as he did. If she were anyone else he would have left long ago. Hell, he wouldn't have even brought her home. But she was his now and he had sworn to protect her.

Cuddy curled back up lying upon his chest. It felt good to not only let her guard down, but to also be fully exposed. She had no need to keep her walls in place or to hide her own pain. They were two broken souls, trying to lean on each other for a little support and comfort.

"Cuddy," House said firmly. There was a hint of mirth behind his words, but not enough to clue her into his train of thought.

"Yeah?" she asked, yawning. She hoped whatever his issue was it didn't have anything to do with moving. She had no intentions of letting him go, the warmth his body emitted was addicting in every way imaginable.

"I am _not_ your teddy bear." He scowled down at her. He honestly didn't mind being close to her, but normalcy prohibited him from not at least complaining about their current position.

She giggled childishly. Looking up, she threw him the most innocent look she could muster. When the look seemingly had no effect, her features transferred into an immature pout.

House decided then and there, he would do anything in his power to keep her like that. He had never seen her so carefree or relaxed. This was a side of Lisa Cuddy that few people had seen. He was pretty sure that he was the only one in her life who had truly appreciated seeing the hard-ass dean of medicine so exposed.

Cuddy knew House wasn't really upset about the cuddling. She raised herself to her forearms and leaned towards him to softly peck his cheek. Pulling back she smirked at him. "I promise I won't tell anybody about your soft and cuddly side." Completely ignoring his scowl, she lay back down contentedly.

House reached down to her sides, but instead of hugging her to him, he began to tickle her mercilessly.

Cuddy shrieked and tried to wiggle away from his torturous digits. "Stop," she screamed playfully, as laughed.

House laughed and flipped them over, so that he was now straddling her. He continued his attack, only pausing now and then to allow her to catch her breath.

"Greg," she squealed. She scrunched her eyes shut and once again tried to escape.

Thinking he had upset her, House stopped instantly. "Are you okay?" he asked, seriously. He was worried that he'd pushed her too far.

"I'm fine," she stated, tugging on his shirt. She wanted to feel him close to her again.

House leaned down slowly. Grinning at her, he kissed her chastely. He let the relief escape in a second kiss. Inhaling her scent, he slowly allowed himself to relax on top of her.

Cuddy wrapped one arm around his waist, while her other hand tangled in his hair. Playfully she sucked his bottom lip between her teeth. She moaned gently against his lips. She was allowing herself comfort she'd never experienced before. "That's nice," she murmured, as he released her lips.

House's left a trail of kisses from her mouth down to her neck. Nuzzling against the warm flesh, he let his kisses migrate towards her ear.

"Greg," she whimpered. Unintentionally she arched her hips towards his. Things were moving fast, but she didn't care. He felt safe and she felt loved. It was a combination that intoxicated her to the extreme. "Please," she whispered.

House froze. He tried to keep his hesitation discreet, but she was a smart woman. Placing a few small kisses against her lips, he looked into her eyes. "Slow Lise, remember?"

Cuddy didn't have time to answer, as the phone rang once more. She grabbed it off the nightstand and quickly answered. "Hello?"

House breathed a sigh of relief, dropping his head once more to her neck. When he felt her stiffen, however, he quickly sat back up. The look in her eyes told him all he needed to know.

"Hey princess! I guess you heard I'll be in town by tomorrow night," her father spoke. Cuddy's pulse raced, as the her blood pressure raised. The fear of the man on the other side of the line, had her once more paralyzed with fear.

"Hang up Lisa," House said, seeing the change overtake her. He reached for the phone, but her grip was too tight. He had to do something. Leaning forward he spoke quietly, but firmly into her ear. "Lisa, I know you can hear me. I need you to be strong now. It's only a voice, nothing more." He kept his voice confident and strong.

Cuddy's vision was slowly turning black. The panic was rising in her throat, cutting off her ability to speak. She tried catching her breath, but it was no use. The terror she felt was suffocating. As if nothing had changed, she was suddenly twelve years old again submitting to a fate that kept her captive.

"You don't know how much I've missed you Lisa," her father said, trying to sound sweet. "You're still daddy's girl aren't you?" He laughed cruelly, when there was no response. "Of course you are angel."

Through the horrer, Cuddy's mind slowly started to focus on the other voice. It was soft and caring, but just as firm and strong as her father's. She felt hers eyes flutter shut, as she let herself succumb to the comfort of House.

"Only a voice, Lisa. Hang up the phone Lisa. Turn the phone off and his words will go away. You're stronger than him. You walked away once and you can do it again. I'm right here, Lisa. You're not alone this time. I'll catch you if you fall," House urged. He felt a huge relief as he watched her lower the phone.

She pulled the phone away from her ear and the words stopped. Just like he promised, the words stopped. She looked at him confused. She couldn't hang up, but she had taken the first step. Cuddy smiled at him in disbelief. It had worked.

House pried the phone from her hands. He shut the phone back off for her and smiled at her proudly. "I knew you could do it," he said. Stroking her face with the back of his fingers, he set the phone back down on her nightstand. "That was perfect Lisa. You did so good."

As her mind cleared, Cuddy realized what she had just done. At first she felt the conditioned panic. Her father would be furious that she hung up on him. But then something changed. She studied the look of pride and admiration on House's face. There was very little that impressed him, but her actions had. She knew what a feat that was. Grinning back up at him, she whispered, "I did it."

"Yes you did," House said. He leaned down and kissed her. Rolling them over, he held her face in his hands as he smiled up at her. "I'm so proud of you." He brushed her hair behind her ear and just watched her.

She sat up on his hips, blushing. His reassurances confirmed that she did the right thing. She had made this man proud of her. She smiled shyly at him, before laying back down. "Thank you," she whispered, as she kissed his neck.

House hugged her tight. "That was all you Lisa, you stood up to him this time."

She smiled to herself realizing the truth in his words.

XXXXXXX

A/N: Okay people some of you won't details and some don't… The next chapter is probably going to be a flashback, but I'll try to work it so that if you skip it, you won't really miss anything. So those for details keep reading, those who don't want to know go ahead and skip the next chapter!

As always, love to know what you all think!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Okay here it is finally. I'm sorry about the long wait. I promised a flashback for this chapter, but writing it turned out to be a little harder than expected. Originally, I planned on showing some flashes from her childhood, but considering the subject matter I decided against it. A lot of my stories are smutty and sex-filled and I don't want anything between Cuddy and her father to be viewed as sexy or hot.

Therefore, the flashback in this chapter is pretty tame (sex wise). It takes place roughly before 'Finding Judas'. It is extremely sad and somewhat violent. If you think it might upset you, feel free to skip, I have marked where the flashback begins and ends.

XXXXXX

Hugging her to him, he kept his grip tight. As they both slowly relaxed, he replayed the events of the phone call in his head. He had seen firsthand the impact her father's actions still had on her. Even a simple phone call had her terrified. Kissing the crown of her head, he thought about all he had seen Cuddy go through over the years. If anyone had the ability to overcome this dilemma, it was her.

Cuddy didn't want to move. She knew she was being childish, but the safety she felt with House was real. It wasn't the false security that she often surrounded herself with. House would protect her, despite their history or possibly because of it.

"You feel like dinner?" he asked, indifferently. He wasn't sure when she had eaten last. If she handled stress the same way she did in college, she would forget all about food until things settled back down.

Cuddy sighed, knowing what he was thinking. Seeing no point in arguing, since he would force her anyways, she said, "Okay, but can we at least stay in?" Facing people was not something she was ready for. It was stupid she knew, but she always felt like they could read exactly what happened.

"Sure thing. I'll get something delivered, what do you feel like?" Centering her on his chest, he watched her carefully. He wanted to make sure she was okay and not just appeasing him. He knew she trusted him to keep her safe, he didn't know if she trusted him enough to talk to him. The irony completely missed by him; she had been talking to him all afternoon.

"Whatever you want is fine," she said, brushing of the question. She bit her bottom lip and looked away. "I'm gonna take a shower first." It was stupid, but she felt dirty. She was afraid of him still. Even though she knew he hadn't left yet, she still felt terrified that he would show up any minute.

Her voice was soft and quiet, almost afraid. Grabbing her chin, he pulled her gaze back to his, "Are you okay?" He knew she would see the sincerity in his eyes. He hoped it was enough.

Melting at what she saw, she felt tears well up. Flashing him a sincere smile, she said, "I'm not great, but I'm okay. I just need a few minutes alone, to process everything."

House nodded, understanding, there was only so much that he could do for her. "Okay. I'll go order the food," he said, softly. Pulling her head down, he kissed her gently. "I'm here for you if you need me."

"I know," she said, beginning to cry. She lay her head down on his chest, hugging against him tightly. Giving into the comfort for a few more moments, she focused on his heartbeat and the weight of his hands on her back.

He watched, as she sat up and wiped her eyes. He nodded his approval, seeing that she was okay. "Alright go get naked," he teased. Stroking a hand tenderly against her cheek, he playfully added, "If you need any help scrubbing, I'm here to serve."

Cuddy actually giggled. She didn't like being serious all the time and it was nice to relax and be playful. He was the only one she felt that comfortable with. "I'll be sure to holler," she said, dryly. Climbing off his lap and the bed, she sauntered into the bathroom. Grinning she couldn't help but add a little extra wiggle to her step.

House had to sit up in order to watch her. As she shut the bathroom door, he fell back against the pillows. Laughing, he yelled through the door, "Minx!" Smiling to himself, he realized that despite the dreary circumstances he was happy. Rolling off the bed, he headed downstairs to find the phonebook.

In the bathroom, Cuddy was turning the water on. Letting the water warm up, she began to pull her clothes off. She thought about House and everything that had transpired between them that afternoon. He had really come through for her. She couldn't put in to words how happy that made her. He was always the one she wanted to turn to.

Climbing under the showers hot spray, her mind wandered to darker places. She had told House that the last time something had happened was eight years ago. That hadn't been exactly true. It was the last time her father had raped her, but it wasn't the last time he had tried.

Between the steam swirling around the bathroom and her own furious scrubbing, Cuddy's skin quickly turned red. She couldn't manage to stop feeling disgusted with herself. Trying to stay rational, she let herself relive the one night she had managed to stand up to her father.

XXXXXX 3 Years Earlier XXXXXX

_It was only six, as Cuddy drove home from the hospital. Any other time and she'd be there well into the night. She had promised herself that she was going to start taking better care of herself though and stress was one of the biggest pulls on her energy. The hospital would still be there in the morning with all of its unique complexities, including House._

_As she thought about the diagnostician, she sighed. He was the one hospital stress she could never just leave at the hospital. His knack for trouble was only matched by his sparks of brilliance. They hadn't been close in years, but she still considered him her friend. She was worried about him, the cop that he had pissed off was taking things much more seriously than she had expected._

_Pushing the thoughts out of her mind, she smiled. Laughing in disbelief, she dropped a hand to her belly. It was only that morning, that she had realized she was pregnant. Going by the last insemination, she was nearly two months along._

_How she had managed to overlook it until then, was beyond her. She had just been so wrapped up with work that she hadn't thought of it. She vowed that it would be the only time she overlooked anything in her baby's life._

_She had decided not to tell anyone. The decision really didn't need much thought. The board didn't need to know until it affected her work. She wasn't on good terms with most of her family. She had no real friends. The people she did consider friends all worked with her. Who would she tell, House?_

_She did feel a slight tug in that direction. He had been so understanding and grown-up when he had first discovered her plans. Still, this was her life and he would see it as solely one big responsibility. It wasn't as if he would celebrate with her._

_Pulling into her driveway, she parked her car and climbed out. Grabbing her things from the back seat, she headed inside. The thought of having a baby in her life, had changed everything. Humming to herself happily, she locked her front door and shut it behind her._

_Just like every other evening, the first thing she did was kick off her heals. She hated being short, the heels in her mind were a necessity. Cuddy loved her clothes, but she knew damn well that House wasn't completely off about her choice of attire. She did like the attention, well his attention._

_However, she also used her looks and taste to get what she wanted. She was not only young in her position, but she was playing a boys game. She had the smarts, but the men she worked with were a lot more interested in her other qualities. It would be stupid not to use their own weaknesses against them._

_Entering her bedroom, she stripped down to her bra and panties. Putting her clothes in the hamper, her back was turned to the still darkened bedroom. She was absolutely exhausted and not focusing on anything other than getting ready for bed._

"_Very nice," a voice said, it was smoothly confident. He continued to speak, "Age has done nothing but improve your looks."_

_Cuddy jumped the minute she realized someone was in her house. She tensed, as she recognized the intruder's voice. She would never be able to forget the voice that had haunted her dreams for years. Trembling she began to speak, "What do you want?" She hoped she sounded braver than she felt._

_The man laid his hands on her shoulders and turned her around. "I've missed you Lisa," he said, as his eyes trailed down her body. Having been waiting for her, his eyes were fully adjusted to the dimly lit room. "You've grown into a very beautiful woman." His hands trailed down her to her hips, rubbing his thumbs along her waistline._

_She felt like she was seven years old again, paralyzed with fear, as her father snuck into her bedroom night after night. As his hand dance across her abdomen, she thought of her own child. She wouldn't fail to protect her baby like her mother had. Jerking out of her father's grip, she glared at him, "You need to leave."_

_Grabbing her waist again, he drew her back to him. He may have been well in his fifties, but he was still stronger than she was. "You know that's not going to happen yet. You and I have a little business to attend to first," he said, laughing. He was amused that she thought she could order him around. She hadn't tried to fight him off in years._

"_Let me go you bastard," she cried, struggling in his grasp. She panicked at the thought of what he planned to do. She hated him, she always had. He had overpowered her repeatedly, but she would never allow him to do that to her child. She had to begin fighting now. She had given up on fighting for herself long ago._

_Slamming her back against the wall behind her, he held her arms to her sides. He began to kiss her neck, as she struggled against him. He breathed in her scent and grinned, planning on enjoy every minute of their little father daughter bonding._

_Cuddy felt sick. She jerked away from his touch, but he was everywhere. Screaming, she called for help. She knew it was pointless; it had never worked in the past. Drawing her knee up, she tried to hurt him._

_He felt her movements change and backed himself away in time. "Now now Lisa, that's not the way I raised you to behave." Grabbing the back of her neck, he pulled her over towards her bed. Sitting down on the edge, he positioned her between his legs._

_Tears streamed down her face, as she began to lose confidence. He was right; she would never over power him. She cringed as he began to remove her bra, never letting her out of his grasp. She started to sob, as she once again struggled to break free._

_Pulling back, he smacked her across the face. "Okay, have it your way Lisa. You still have work to do," he said, pushing her to the floor. Waiting for her to unzip his pants, he yanked back on her hair getting impatient. "Do not disobey me Lisa," he said sternly, "I don't know where this attitude of yours is coming from, but tonight will go the way I want it to."_

_She wanted to protect her child, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't listen to that monster, while her innocent baby lay inside of her. Not thinking of the consequences, she stood her ground and refused to submit._

"_Do you really want to do that Lisa?" he asked, laughing. He knew she would submit. She was his and he had trained her well. Seeing the hesitancy in her eyes, he swung his leg forward._

_She almost caved in, when she felt a sharp blow to the stomach. He had kicked her hard, knocking her to the ground. She held her stomach protectively, as he moved to the floor over her. "Please don't," she begged, "I'll do whatever you want, just stop."_

_It was too late though, his anger had already been awakened. Kicking her several more times, he continued to vent his anger. He smacked her face once more, as he began to yell at her. "How dare you disrespect me, after everything I've done for. You ungrateful brat," he hissed at her. Roughly, he began to move her panties down her legs._

_She was unaware of anything other than the room spinning and her stomach cramping. "Stop," she said, gasping. She knew he wasn't a sympathetic man, but she had to try. Drawing her knees up, she hugged them to her chest. It was a feeble attempt to protect her baby, but it did not go unnoticed._

"_You little slut," he said, shocked, "You're pregnant aren't you?" He shook his head in disbelief, he couldn't believe it. "I can't believe you finally let some little prick get between your legs." He laughed at the realization._

_She didn't bother to respond. Instead, she lay on the floor sobbing. She knew with the severe kicks she had received, she would more than likely miscarry. She had already spotted once, mistaking it for a light period._

_Glaring down at his broken daughter, her father stood to his feet. "You don't deserve to be a mother Lisa," he hissed, anger still blazing in his words. Wedging his foot against her stomach, he let his weight press down on her belly._

_Cuddy screamed in pain, both physical and emotional. She could feel her insides cramping and knew without a doubt, that her baby was gone. The odds of her baby surviving that amount of trauma were basically nonexistent._

_Morning her inevitable loss, Cuddy lay on the floor of her bedroom sobbing. She stayed until the blood came, and then only managed to make it to the bathroom. She didn't have to be at work until Monday and hoped that the worse would be over by then. She hadn't told anyone about her brief pregnancy and didn't plan to tell anyone about her tragic loss._

XXXXXX Present Day XXXXXX

Cuddy wiped the tears from her eyes, as the pain resurfaced. Placing a tender hand against her belly, she thought about her child that never was. Giving herself a few more moments of solitude, she let the water run over her body and cleanse her mind.

House would be worried about her if she didn't go down stairs soon. Steeling her nerves, she shut the water off. This was something she wasn't ready to share with anyone. Burying the memories in the back of her mind, she focused on the present and the man downstairs that loved her.

XXXXXX

A/N: I know most of you are cursing me right now. I'm sorry it was so horrible, but he's a bastard. I had a hard time writing this chapter and I'm guessing you can now see why. Please let me know what you guys think?


	7. Chapter 7

House moved about Cuddy's home with a comfortable ease. It wasn't exactly like him to not take over and act like he had every right to snoop wherever he liked. As he called to order their food, he snooped through her junk drawer, the calendar on the fridge, her address book, and the opened mail still lying on her table.

Waiting impatiently for her to come back downstairs, he moved his search to her living room. He'd been in her home before and snooped, as much as possible, but he had always been on a shortened time frame. Now there wasn't any pressure to leave. He spent several moments looking through her mail, pictures, and anything else that was lying around out in the open.

He could hear her footsteps moving above him and smiled. Yelling up the flight of stairs, he questioned, "You got a pack of elephants up there or is that just your ginormous ass making all that noise?"

Cuddy smiled at House's mild yell. She could always count on him to entertain her with crude comments. Something about his gruff mannerisms always left her smiling, while everyone else was left gapping in shock. Of course there were many times when she was the one wanting to rip her own hair out, but she'd learned to take the good with the bad.

Throwing on a tshirt and pajama pants, Cuddy smiled at herself in the mirror. Despite the apprehension of her father's visit, she felt good. House's 'screw 'em' attitude left her with a sense of confidence that she didn't normally carry. She moved down the stairs quickly, with a small bounce to her step. She wasn't alone any longer.

Reaching her living room, she stopped to lean against the frame. House was hunched over sideways, reading the spines of her many books. His invasive nature made her smile. Normally she would have a fit at him snooping, knowing that he was looking for something to bribe her with.

This was different, there was nothing he could gain from looking at her books except a better understanding of her. He was curious about her and wanted to know more. The thought made her smile. "Find any dirty secrets over there?" she asked, teasingly.

Caught off guard, House moved to right himself quickly. Having been leaned almost inside the bookcase, he bumped his head against the shelf above it. Shooting a glare in Cuddy's general direction, he rubbed the tender spot.

"You wuss," she said, rolling her eyes. Walking over to him, she couldn't help but laugh at his annoyed pout. "Let me see," she demanded, tugging on his arm for him to bend over. She ran her hands through his hair, momentarily forgetting she was supposed to check for damage.

House sighed, as her fingers gently rubbed against his scalp. Opening his eyes he realized he was face to face with her chest. Letting out a ragged breath, he steadied himself. Now was not the time to be getting excited, especially when her resolve was already weakened.

When she felt his warm breath against her chest, she quickly assessed his scalp. "No damage done, your hard head is in the same condition as always." Pulling away quickly, she turned away from him so he wouldn't see the heat on her cheeks.

House smirked to himself, knowing he had made her at least a little uncomfortable. Their sexual tension had always been palpable and now that he knew her own feelings towards it, he felt differently. It wasn't just a game, yet there was no pressure for it to be anything other than teasing.

Before, he would have expected her to deal with it, but he felt a responsibility towards her. It wasn't something he knew how to deal with, but for now normalcy worked. If she hadn't had an issue in the past, she certainly wouldn't having one now that she'd opened up.

"I should hit my head more often if I get a view like that every time," House snarked, trying to hide the good intention. Relief washed over him, as she turned to smirk at him. They stood there silently for a moment, just looking at each other. "Cuddy?" House asked, seriously.

"I'm fine," she said, taking a hesitant step towards him. Smiling at him she suddenly realized, all these years she'd missed having her best friend around.

Sensing the change in her, House grabbed her by the waist and pulled her down on the couch with him. It wasn't anything pressing or demanding. He just wanted her close, in his arms, where he could keep her safe. He tangled one hand in her hair and pulled her closer.

Cuddy arched an eyebrow at him, before leaning in to kiss him. This was new territory and while she wasn't feeling self-conscious his initiation had surprised her. Tugging him along with her, she moved back over towards her couch.

House pushed Cuddy gently down into the corner of the couch. Sitting next to her he faced the back of the wall and covered her body with his own. Their lips tangled together, as he cupped her face in his hands. All he wanted was to melt into her addicting taste and protect her from any doubts she still may have. She was his and he was not going to allow anything to taint that.

Seconds became moments and hands travelled over skin previously unfelt. He learned the curves of her body, while she memorized the firm unyielding muscles beneath his skin. They complimented one another as they exchanged air. It was symbolic and tactile all at once. Looking into his eyes Cuddy understood that she would never be alone. He had claimed her and she him. Silently promising to never let anything tear them apart, they heard the doorbell ring. Smirking at one another, House placed a slight peck onto Cuddy's lips and said, "Food's here."

XXXXXX

Sorry it's so short and has taken so long. I thought I should post something though. Real life has been kicking my ass and the antidepressants have run away with my muse. I'll try to post again soon.


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